Sunday, 14 October 2007

• Continued...

  Here I sit with Lucas on my lap, and I am so blessed!  He is such a doll :).  I promise I will post more pics soon...it's been a busy week, but I will get some new ones up!
  
  Anyhow, I promised more thoughts on adoption week...so here we go.
  
  Wednesday morning, after my mom had briefly met Lucas and so warmly greeted Jessica with a hug, I talked to Jess and Phil just by myself for a few minutes.  They said they were ready.  They would like to schedule the Entrustment Ceremony for 7:00 that night.  I asked, "Are you sure?  You don't feel like you're being rushed?" (meanwhile jumping for joy inside!).  Nope, they were ready.  Ok!
  
  So across the hall, in the waiting room, my mom and mother-in-law helped me put together our programs for the Entrustment Ceremony.  There was a very joyous feeling in the room.  Tonight was the night!
  
  
  I went to the newborn class at the hospital and prepared for little Lucas to come home.  The carseat and diaper bag were in the car...we were ready!
  
  At 12:00, I called our caseworker.  He still had not been informed of the plan.  Jess had not called her caseworker...my heart dropped; had she changed her mind about 7:00?  I asked Dick if Jessica's caseworker could call her...he said he would pass on the message, but they really like the info to come from the birthmom...not be "coerced" to make a decision by the caseworker.  But what if Jessica was waiting for her caseworker to call her??  It didn't seem to make sense to me.
  
  But we went on with our plans, as if all would go through.  My stomach felt all tied in knots.  My brother had come just for the day to meet Lucas and go to the ceremony, so I was REALLY hoping all would go as planned.
  
  At 2:00 I got the call from Dick that we were on for 7:00.  Yea!!  But Susan (Jessica's birthcoach) was wondering if we could bring Lucas back to the hospital again on Thursday so Jessica's stepmom and sister could meet him?  I panicked for a moment and had to clear my head.  Back to that room that in my head had really become an awful place? A place I could only peak at Lucas but could not mother him and cuddle him!  After some discussion, we decided it would be better if Jess and her family stopped by our house after she got out of the hospital...so that seemed to be the plan.
  
  Then at about 2:40, I got another call from Dick.  Jessica would like more time.  She is feeling rushed and the time has flown by...she wanted another night with Lucas for sure.  Dick asked if I was ok.  Ok??  Does OK equal devastated?  Crushed? Worried?  Sick to my stomach?  Totally emotional?  I signaled to everyone else I was sitting with..."It's Off".  Phone calls were made, we canceled the pastor, and we prayed.  My brother really felt I should go up and talk to Jess.  I wanted to flee..go anywhere but back up to that room 253.  But I also wanted Rick to meet Lucas before he returned home.  So we went back up, and I tentatively knocked on the door.  "Come in."...and then..."Oh good, I really needed to talk to you".  Ok, God, that was you pushing me to come up here!
  
  Jess started crying and said she had really made a mess of things.  Her dad was there holding her hand, and he got up and gave me a big hug.  He explained that they had been talking and praying (my heart stopped) and that he had been helping Jess think about why she made the adoption decision in the first place.  How she KNEW we were the couple God had led her to.  How this was truly best for everyone, most importantly for Lucas.  The decision that had been made before the hormone levels changed and the emotions got in the way.  And then she said, "I can't hold onto him for another night.  We need to do the ceremony as planned".  Ahhh!!!  Did I really hear her right???  So we hugged, and I went out to talk to Rick.
  
  "It's back on!!!" What???  Everyone's faces showed pure shock, disbelief.  But how dare we doubt when God is involved, right??  God is so FAITHFUL.
  
  So we made all the calls again.  And then headed to the mall to eat at the food court and try to relax.  I couldn't eat...my stomach revealed that it sensed every emotion I was feeling.  But my Strawberry Julius tasted pretty good :).
  
  6:15, we were back at the hospital.  We carried the car seat and diaper bag inside.  And we sat in the front lobby, trying to make light conversation.  Me, I headed to the bathroom about every 10 minutes.  6:30, we saw Jessica and Phil's caseworker head up to 2nd floor.  6:45, our pastor arrived, so we went headed to the chapel, where we expected everyone to show up at 7:00.
  
  7:00, silence in the chapel...just us there. 
  
  7:05, our caseworker arrived but didn't say much.  7:15, we started stirring...Dick remembered his cell phone had died so he went up to the room just in case someone had tried to call him.  7:20, he was back...door was closed, so he didn't have any new info.  7:30, everyone started heading to the bathroom and we started nervously chatting.  I felt a remarkable calm that I did not see in most other people's eyes.  It was a hard wait, for sure, but I knew God was there.  Dick assured us that this was indeed normal...it can take awhile.  7:50, at last I saw Jessica and her whole group of supporters, walking through the chapel doors, holding Lucas.  Tears in her eyes, but calm.
  
  Pastor Dan welcomed the group, and the ceremony began.  "We are gathered here today for a very special occasion—the celebration of life and a gift that makes for the creation of a family.  We are here to celebrate God's answer to prayers that Lucas was brought into this world strong and healthy.  We are here to celebrate God's provision of a loving home for Lucas where Jessica and Phil could continue to be a part of his life and witness the decisions he makes.  We are here to celebrate the answer to Mitch and Annette’s prayers that they be a part of God's plan as Lucas’s parents—to provide for him, to raise him in a loving home, and to nurture and acknowledge the importance of his relationship with his birthparents."
  
  And then after some scripture reading and prayer..."Jessica and Phil, you welcomed this child into the world. We today celebrate and affirm your role in his life. In your loving plan, you have chosen this couple to be his parents. You are creating a new family. May God bless you.
  Jessica, at this time, would you place this child into Annette's arms?"
  
  Ahh!! I was shaking, trembling, my baby boy!!!  I held him near...and then we answered the following questions...
  "Mitch and Annette, do you receive this child in love, and promise to care for him, provide direction and guidance for his life, and lead him by your teaching and example to follow Jesus? 
  Do you acknowledge your commitment to these birthparents and affirm their relationship with and love for this child?
  As this child grows, do you promise to remember the example Jessica and Phil set, and to always put his interests first?
  Response: We do
  As God has made us all His children by grace and adoption, may this child and this family always abide in God's love."
  
  There are no words that can describe this time, other than pure joy but also sorrow for Jessica and Phil and their families.  Such a strange combination of emotions.  But God was there, and He was faithful!
  
  The blessing that ended the ceremony before we sang the Doxology together: "It is no accident that God has brought you together, for together you can accomplish what you could not do apart. Together you give this child the great necessities of life: the roots of security and the wings of opportunity. With love in your hearts, you collectively offer Lucas a blend of security and nurture. It was love for children in general which put you on converging paths, and now it is your love for this unique child which unites you on the shared journey ahead. We ask God's blessing on your covenant."
  
  And that's all we can do, ask God's blessing on this!  The next moments as the ceremony ended were filled with hugs such as these between myself and Jessica (my face says it all)...
  

  

  And a beautiful moment with Mitch & I, and Jessica & Phil...

  
  

  
  
  And then we took our baby boy home.  What a day, huh??  I didn't feel guilty exactly...Jess and Phil did make the decision...no one forced them to...and we are are SO thankful to them for giving our little boy LIFE.  For allowing him to grow up in a 2-parent home, with parents that love him so much.  I will never lose the realization that we are so blessed.
  

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